This last month or so has been extremely difficult. First, I had a bout of constipation. Not good! The pain is awful. Then there is the build up of stomach gases getting trapped by the hernia. I was given some disgusting stuff that helped until I managed to source some Senna. Every now and then, I have to have a poke around to release the trapped gas, causing me to fart horribly or worse, burp. It’s like burping a fart. Seriously, that is not pleasant!!
There has also been constant ‘phone calls from a friend who admits that they are lonely. Though I try to help and would never turn away anyone in need, it has been taking its toll on me.
The constantly being let down by numerous people who, in some cases, have gone out of their way to offer help, with no intention of following through, is frustrating, to say the least. It is as if they offer help in order to feel good about themselves. The main focus of this behaviour has been in regards to the welding that needs doing on the truck. To date, I can think of at least four different people on at least nine different occasions who have pledged to help, then simply not turned up when they said they would. Not only has no-one appeared at any point, but they have not bothered to contact me again.
I live very simply and ask for very little. I earn what I can by doing little jobs; sharpening tools, making and mending things, completing M.o.T. work on vehicles, etc. I sell my herbal smoking mixes and provide herbal medicines. On top of that, I receive a minimal and irregular subsidy from the state. I get by. However, I am now told that I have been overpaid as a result of changes made in the system. The overpayment is now being deducted at a rate that computes to a fraction under a quarter of that which I receive.
To compound things further, an old legal battle has reared its ugly head. (I will tell you all about that another time, as it is long and complicated, as well as unresolved.)
The net result is that I am now struggling to survive on £80 per month. Thank goodness for the wonderful and generous people around me! Mick has been amazing. He came over with the intention of allowing me to vent as I was breaking down. What a brilliant man!
Mick often has a colleague with him when he visits. Her name is Linda. She is great. She is trying to help me with the legal maze. She has been gobsmacked by what I am dealing with, having been pushed from pillar to post, fobbed off and misinformed about anything to do with my case.
Then one day, I received a message via a message app that I rarely use. It was from an ex girlfriend.* The contact is very unwelcome as it drags up a lot of hurt. The relationship with Linda Lemon (her present name) was abusive in the extreme. (I will write about it in the future). Besides the physical scars, there are deep emotional and psychological scars that I have spent years dealing with. (It is the prime reason why I have not been able to establish a meaningful relationship since). Fortunately, she doesn’t know where I am and modern technology enables me to ‘block’ her name and number, etc. on the internet and mobile telecommunication systems. Even so, the unexpected invasion knocked me a bit and set me to thinking about the hurt. However, things happen for a reason. During the days of processing what had happened, thanks to the fact that I have been writing ‘Crasken hell’,** I came to the realisation that, as my one-time friend Duncan is, I was the victim of a sociopath. I hope now that I can finally move on.
Finally, this very weekend, I have been the victim of internet abuse. Based on nothing but the photo below and the fact that I am a traveller, I have been accused of animal cruelty! The person concerned, one Stuart White, if that is his real name, originally complemented me on my blog. Then later started a tirade of nonsense which quickly became personal insults and wild accusations. Foolishly, I tried to reason with him and point out simple facts, even giving him information that he could easily corroborate, to no avail. Instead, I was called a liar with no morals. In the end, I had to block him from making any further comments and report him to the group administrators and Facebook, itself.
On the positive side, I have had a great response from the photos that I have been publishing on various group pages. Many of which have been ‘shared’. As I cannot afford to pay for publicity, ‘sharing’ really helps. So, a big thank you to those who ‘share’ my blog and posts, etc.
*see entry What’s in a name?
**see entries Crasken hell - Introduction and parts 1 - 8