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A couple of calamities and updates

Some years ago, my mate, Big Ed had a Monkey Puzzle tree that had to come down owing to its demise. From it, he gave a branch each to a number of his friends. I had carefully looked after the branch he gave me, knowing exactly what I was going to do with it.


Big Ed, by the way, is one of my treasured friends. He is a mountain of a man and gives the most heartfelt hugs. A hug from Ed is a thing to experience. He also snores like nothing I have ever heard before. Unbelievably, Cerri, his wife, is oblivious to his snoring. I have parked near them at festivals before now and all one can hear all night is Ed’s snoring echoing across the field!


Recently, I have been building a new kitchen (I’ll be writing about that, soon). The Monkey Puzzle branch will divide the kitchen area from the ‘front room’. As I had been working on the ceiling of the kitchen, I decided to also fit the Monkey Puzzle branch. I inserted a dowel in the branch that locates into a hole in the ceiling. I located it into position and marked the points at each end where it is to be fixed. I then went to take the branch down so that I could pinpoint exactly where it is to be fixed, only to find that I could not move it. It was stuck fast. I left it for a minute, then got sidetracked and forgot about it. Big mistake!


It must’ve been about 3am when I was startled by a loud clatter. I realised immediately what it was. With the breathing of the wood, the dowel had reduced and the branch fell.


My worse fears were confirmed. The branch had hit something on its way down and snapped in half.


The day did not improve. A number of calamitous things happened which compelled me to give up on doing anything else.


There was obviously something in the air. Michael turned up, fixed a lock on his van, then absentmindedly closed the door. He went to open the said door to find that it was locked and the keys were inside! After a couple of hours or so trying to get in, he ‘phoned the van’s insurers. Getting locked out was not covered. He ‘phoned round looking for a locksmith. When he found one, they wanted £80 call-out charge. So, he then ‘phoned some breaker’s yards. He found a quarter-light window at the fraction of the cost of the locksmith. So, a hammer was employed.


One day, a man was wandering back and forth along the hedge having alighted from a car. He then stopped and asked me where he could have a slash. “Just hop through the fence and go in the trees.”, I suggested. He did so. I got on with what I was doing. On his return, the man proffered me a £10 note. I asked him why, to which he said that he wanted to.


I have been surprised at the speed with which an appointment was made to have the scan to investigate my hernia. I duly popped along and watched as the rupture was exposed to the camera. It’s quite a bad one in a potentially dangerous point. There apparently is a risk of trapping or strangling the colon. In the meantime, I have been taking the herbs and massaging the area. There is a marked improvement. No longer am I in pain constantly, I don’t need to hang on to the hernia all day and it feels improved; smaller, even.


I hear that the building work on the football stadium is due start in January. That means I have just two months to find a welder.


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