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Writer's pictureWizard Steve

Carrots and logs

Spring is here! There has been a bitter easterly wind recently, though, which has been difficult to work in. However, work has progressed. I have started on the offside; sanding and filling, sanding and filling, just as was the case last year when I did the near(door)side. It’s coming along. Still a lot of work to do.


A lovely lady stopped by one day to say hello, who then brought round a delicious roast dinner. She said that she would pop by the next day and collect her crockery, but never did and I’ve not seen her since.


A few days later I had a food parcel from a bloke called James of Surviving the Streets. Oh my! What a food parcel! There was loads of stuff, including what must have been 10lb of carrots! I had to find people to give some to. I then made 5l of carrot and coriander soup, followed by loads of carrot cupcakes (I don’t have a cake tin). After that, I still had loads, so made a shepherds pie using mashed carrots as the topping instead of the usual potatoes. It tasted great. I shredded some into salads and roasted the rest.


In the meantime, I reorganised the bed of the truck as I needed to get to my ladders in order to reach the top of my caravan. I had a load of logs stored aboard which I offloaded and stacked.


With the weather being as it was, I took the opportunity to tidy my caravan. It had become impossible to get to anything without a lot of hassle. You know what it’s like; you start all nice and tidy, but soon enough things get put away lazily and before you know it, you can’t get to anything without a lot of hassle again. I was getting proper stressed with it all. But then, I found a bit of weed I didn’t know I had! Woohoo!


A tooth broke and dropped out randomly. It had been on its way for a while. I can’t afford the cost of seeing a dentist, so just stuffed the hole with Cloves. No bother.


Recently, I have been plagued with litter. Three times now I have got up to find that some-one had dumped their rubbish. Interestingly, it’s always a carrier bag full of empty beer cans and bottles. Whoever it is, they are doing it first thing in the morning. I have been outside as late as 4am and all is quiet, but by 8am the bag of rubbish has appeared. To be honest, I’m not best pleased, but at least it’s been bagged up. I just pick it up and deposit it with my own refuse.


Last week I had a ‘friend request’ on Facebook from a fella called Steve. I sent my usual template message thanking him for the request, explaining that I don’t ‘friend’ people I’ve never met and directing him to my Wizard Steve page. He wrote back stating when and where we had met. He had dropped off some logs for me a while ago. He said that he would pop over with more logs. Steve’s a lovely bloke; a man after my own heart. He turned up as stated. I asked him about the logs; “Is that what you do?”


“Yes.” He said. He sells them.


“Are these scrap logs that are not worth chopping up due to knots, etc.? I asked.


“No.” He said, “I can chop these and sell them.”


“So why are you giving them to me?”


“You need to stay warm, don’t you?”


I put the kettle on.


He then asked, “Do you like a toke?”


I of course, affirmed.


“I‘ll put one together, then.”


I said that I don’t do ‘baccy, to which he replied, “Nor do I.”


I made us a brew and he put a fat one together while we chatted. He handed me the spliff and said, “You can have that. My girlfriend doesn’t like me coming home with smoke on my breath.”


I said, “I don’t care. This is a blunt and you are sharing whether you like it or not.”


We had a good old chinwag, during which he asked me about how I keep the burner going overnight. I explained that I usually put a nice lump of Oak in as I go to bed which keeps the burner ticking away all night. “Oh, OK.” He said, “I’ll drop some over.”


A few days later, Steve reappeared with these hoofing great lumps of Oak!


One evening, there was a knock at the door. A Scotsman introduced himself saying that he was a local businessman with an engineering company. I neglected to enquire further. Daft really, as I may need something made for the truck. However, he did ask me whether if offered, would I be interested in moving to somewhere more ‘secure’. He also mentioned that his son is a tree surgeon. So he might visit again.





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