Pissheads

I had neighbours for a night the other day. Not the sort of neighbours I’d want to have to listen to again, though.


A nice, but misguided lady usually stops and has a cup of tea whenever she passes by. We often chat for a bit. She’s in her 60s and likes a toke. One interesting thing about her is that she went to the very first Glastonbury Festival in 1970. On the other hand, she has recently turned to religion.


Last week, she mentioned that one of her daughters would be visiting and that they had agreed that she could stay in her van by me. I didn’t have a problem with that. Little did I know.


The appointed day arrived. All was good. The daughter and older boyfriend (presumably) introduced themselves and gave me a carrier bag of those compressed log things. I thanked them and said that they would be handy if there was no dry wood about.


I got on with my day sanding and filling, etc. (The offside is coming along quite nicely and I’m doing a better job than I did on the near[door]side. I have a better idea of what I’m doing and, primarily, I have the right tools!). They met up with mother and, I think, son then went for a walk.


Later they arrived back. The daughter noticed the little sign I have. (It was given to me last year). She laughed and said that she “didn’t know about the alcohol bit, but would keep to (her) van”. The son had presumably gone home.


Come the evening, it started. They gathered around the van and started drinking. A fire pit appeared that was plonked on the pavement. The more they drank, the louder they got. I got a knock at the door. The mother stood there and asked if I wanted a spliff. I said, “No. Your drunk. I don’t do alcohol.” I closed the door.


Eventually, mother left. The drinking continued, the volume continued to rise and before long the talk turned to bickering. From there, it soon became arguing with the language becoming richer and of course, slurred. Eventually, the boyfriend stormed off, she soon became comatose and I got some peace.


The next morning, the phantom littterer had been.


The neighbours left around mid morning without a word.



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